Previously I blogged about my very distant past and how I am ironically and intrinsically linked to this show. After tonight's rehearsal I find myself reflecting on who I am today and how we will pull this thing off.
I am not a stranger to change, taking risks and I seem to reinvent myself on a regular basis. But this is a little bit different than some of my previous transformations. Like many people today, I feel over burdened, my time is at a premium, I walked into rehearsal tonight hoping to make it through on auto-pilot. I put my brain on cruise control. I had not planned to do anything too daring. I hadn't planned on taking any risks... Damn it Matt Woods! You got me into this lol. Well I have no idea who this Jesse Pierce guy thinks he is. He obviously didn't get the memo who he's dealing with. This guy is a major pain in the ass... nit picking, pushing and bossing people around, who does he think he is??? Oh yeah he's the Director. Apparently he doesn't realize that I have shoes older than him and most of my fellow cast members.
OK so I had a little bit of an attitude this evening. This Jesse guy is watching me. He is not letting me coast. I am under a microscope. It was really starting to piss me off. His scrutiny pushes me to try a little harder, even if it is begrudgingly against my will. Oh my God, could he be more annoying? It occurs to me that no matter how minor, how insignificant the role, everyone involved is going to have to strip themselves down to the naked core of their role and parade around baring it all... nothing is sacred, and no one is safe.
Once I accepted this fact and forced myself to put myself out there. I committed to take a risk and throw myself into it, rather than just go through the motions and pretend to act, it got better, but still very uncomfortable and not in the least bit safe. There is just something so strange and taboo when I find myself dancing, bumping and grinding with these guys who are in their 20's (Many of my contemporaries, have kids and grandkids their ages). Then there are my female cast-mates who are also throwing themselves into the more lesbian/less heterosexual characteristics of their roles and there we find ourselves entwined as well.
I so admire so many of the men and women who have been cast in the lead roles of this show. They are total risk takers. No holds barred, running straight into the arms of situations that would make lesser men and women recoil with shame or embarrassment. This show is gonna take some real courage and chutzpah to pull it off. I think it is gonna be awesome and this is an awesome cast! Yeah and that Jesse guy... he is a pain in the ass, but he's pretty brilliant, and he has a great vision.
